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Signs You Might Be a 4 WheelerYou might be a four wheeler if- 10 -you think SPAM Shish-ka-bobs on a phillips screw driver taste good. 9 -you have ever had 2 wheels off the ground and said "We're in good shape." 8 -you have ever "nuked" a microwave burrito on an intake manifold. 7 -you favorite cologne is "Eau de Unleaded" (91 octane). 6 -you have ever heard a counselor say "no I don't think 38" Boggers will work well under your wife's Ford Fiesta." 5 -you like mud cause "its high in minerals." 4 -every dent you put in your vehicle pops 2 dents out. 3 -you have to get the wheel barrow to clean your drive way off after you wash your vehicle. 2 -you think "protection from the elements" (i.e. a top) is for wussies. And the #1 sign you might be a Four Wheeler is: 1 - you have driven a vehicle for 10 hours straight ...and never exceeded 3 mph. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Signs that you're a hard core Four wheeler: - You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard. - The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance): 1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop, 8' high doors. 2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motor home, a crew cab dualie, a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel. 3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder. 4) A grease pit. 5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site. 6) Deaf neighbors. 7) Across the street from a paint and body shop. 8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere -or- hookups for the motor home -Your email address refers to your truck rather than to you. - You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares. - You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture for your house! - You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of parts that could have been purchased. - You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment. - Your garage holds more vehicles than your house has bedrooms. - You have enough spare parts to build another truck. - You have truck parts in your cubicle at work. - Your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG MTs and E-Z Locker and your 'significant other' knows what they are - After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?" - You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'. - People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at Fishing Creek last weekend!" - You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturer's name. - Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional. - You plan your wedding around the club schedule. - You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so. - You give out 4 wheel Parts Wholesalers number when a friend asks for the best hardware store. - You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the trail. - You save broken car parts as " momentos". - You know the exact story behind every one! (see above) - You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an option. - Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal crawl ratio for given situations. - When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of "The Jeep Owners Bible" - You own five Trucks and only one of them is street legal. - There's a poster of Moab up on the wall next to the family portraits. - Your video collection contains more wheeling videos then regular videos. - Your friends call to tell you they found another way into the woods rather than to see how your doing. - You refer to "Friends" by the type of truck they drive rather than names. - You filled out the Top Truck Challenge Voting card but threw away the Census 2000 forms. - 90% of you work e-mail is wheeling related - You keep trying to coerce your significant other to allow you to remove the doors on the mini van. - You refer to the local construction site as "The testing ground". - You can remember how to get to every trail you've been on but get lost going to your in-laws. - "The Big Question" refers to Bogger or TSL. - When someone says someone is Biased you immediately think of tires. - Your truck no longer fits in the garage. - Your truck has gone to super model status and doesn't leave the garage for any trail less than a 4+. - Your daily driver is considered a mild trail rig. - Drivers behind you can see the car in front of you, under the truck. - The term "Open with Attitude" is tattooed on you, or you're thinking about it. - You base your next vehicle purchase on it's crawl ratio and what's available for it in the after market. - People see pictures of your truck flexed out and ask "Is it broken?". - You stopped washing your truck cause it shows off the scratches. - Your boss asks you not to bring the truck to work anymore because it won't fit in the parking garage without the antenna scraping the ceiling. - You've actually replaced a fluorescent light in the parking garage cause your antenna hit it. - Your club web site is your home page. - You are in search of a house that borders state forest and refuse to buy anything that's not even remotely close to it. - You'll drop a couple grand on new axles but the kitchen sink still leaks. - The vacation pictures are all off road. - You ALWAYS have your drinks on the rocks! - You look at an open are in the woods and can determine the best line. - You base your social class on your recent RTI score rather than how much money you make. - Working on your truck is considered relaxation. - Every time you see a lowered truck you wanna get out and slap the driver silly. - You look at other cars and think to yourself "I can crawl over that". - You consider Rubicon as the holy land. - Tellico no longer scares you. - You carry more parts to the trail than home. - You've installed or though about installing a lift on the lawn mower. - You consider anything without 4wd-Useless. - Your ideal vehicle is a Unimog. - Your truck cost as much as an italian sports car. - When someone mentions "Xtreme" your eyes light up! - Motivation involves someone saying "you can't make it". And the #1 Sign you're a hard core wheeler: It's not considered a good trail ride if nothing breaks! Bob Barett 70` Wagoneer 95` Grand Cherokee |
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