Things to Say or Do When You're on an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
5. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
6. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
7. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
8. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"
9. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
15. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
16. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
17. Meow occasionally.
18. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
19. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
20. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
22. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
23. Leave a box between the doors.
24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
25. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
26. Start a sing-along.
27. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
28. Lean against the button panel.
29. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
30. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
31. Bring a chair along.
32. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
33. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
34. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
35. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
36. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
37. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
38. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
39. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
40. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.