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A Comparison of Microsoft and General Motors
Contributed By: Bill Kelsey
More humor, this time combining autos and computers, aka "The
General takes on Bill Gates, Master of the Universe".
Thought everyone might appreciate this.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating the following. If GM had developed technology
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics:
- For no reason whatsoever your car would
crash twice a day.
- Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would
have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
reason, and you would just accept this, restart, and drive on.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn,
would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in
which case you would have to re-install the engine.
- Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you
bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy
more seats.
- Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but
would only run on five per cent of the roads.
- The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights
would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning
light.
- New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
- The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going
off.
- Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of
the radio antenna.
- GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe
set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even
though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to
delete this option would immediately cause the car's
performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM
would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.
- Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have
to learn how to drive all over again because none of the
controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
- You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine.
Bill Kelsey
Aberdeen, SD
'79 widetrack Cherokee "S"
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