You Might Be a Redneck If...

• You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
• You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
• Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
• You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
• Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
• You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.
• You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
• You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
• You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
• You can get dog hair from your belly button.
• You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
• The blue book value of your *Jeep* goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
• One of your kids was born on a pool table.
• You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
• On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
• You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
• You ever named a child after a dog.

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     |   =============   |    Dennis M. "Doc" Fariello
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